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Peer Ministry Leadership

Leadership Training

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March 2, 2022 by lyle

Want Youth To Leave The Church? Confirm Them!

I recently visited Prince of Peace in La Crescent, MN. This is a church that successfully keeps their youth active and involved after confirmation. They have figured out how to avoid the confirmation graduation, the exodus, moving on and beyond the church.

Please read that again! 

“They keep their youth active and involved after confirmation!” That is unheard of!

I remember the youth ministry legend, Mike Yaconelli speaking to an all Lutheran audience. “You Lutherans, you have every one of your middle school youth there every week.” Us Baptists would give anything for that to happen.” Then he got very loud, “Why aren’t you doing anything  worth while with them!” It was a bit shocking to hear, but at the same time most of us had a sense there was some truth in his observation.

Rich Melhiem has also challenged confirmation. “If an American cooperation invested in a two to three year training program in which on completion most people quit, they would be rethinking their systems!”

My personal observation, many churches (not all!) have decent programs. The issue is that unless youth discover a vital purpose for continuing they are gone. They become saturated with other groups that do have purposes for them. Unless youth hear and personally experience the words, “We need you.” They quickly move on. Youth are either leading or they are leaving!

Cathy Beardmore, of Prince of Peace, in La Crescent, MN, says, “When we first started using Peer Ministry as part of confirmation in 2005, Pastor Mike and I were hoping that 3 or 4 youth from our 20+ class sizes that would continue Peer Ministry training beyond confirmation. This year we had 100% participation from our confirmation group: all the youth continued with training after confirmation. Peer Ministry Leadership has a definite role in our little ‘miracle’ story here at Prince of Peace.”

Here is what they do.

Towards the end of their confirmation experience the youth experience the first five sessions of Peer Ministry Leadership. After the youth’s confirmation service they are invited to continue training and they do. They keep going!

With the relational skills of PML training as a bases high school youth plug in to the church, teaching and mentoring younger students, assisting with facilitating Peer Ministry, helping lead mission experiences, checking in with how they are using their skills in everyday life, and another informative session on the consequences of binge drinking and how we can protect our young people. The female peer ministry leaders also organize a middle school girl’s sleepover, helping them navigate through the drama of these tumultuous teen years. The church staff is constantly on lookout for ways to personally say, “We need you!”

Cathy shares that the support and personal involvement of Pastor Mike Woods adds greatly to their successes. Pastor Mike also works directly with confirmation, meeting for personal spiritual direction, reviewing personal values, working through gifts inventories and Myers Briggs. Results? Pastor Mike personally knows the gifts, and passions of every young person and ensures that every youth is needed throughout the congregation.

Pastor Mike shared that he once in a while gets asked by an adult coming for worship, “Oh, is this youth Sunday.” He then gets to say, “No, it’s just that our youth are the ones eager to serve.”

I also had to smile as Pastor Mike pointed out the ingredients on a table to make “Goo,” and his story about a spontaneous squirt gun fight. I quickly picked up that this is a fun playful place, full of surprises. 

Prince of Peace uses confirmation not only as a teaching of the catechism, but also as an equipping preparation for immediate, involved ministry. They assume youth are ministers and are important and needed both in their church and in their community. Youth feel needed and important so respond by helping, serving and leading in many ways. 

Take-Away Considerations for Your Confirmation

  • Make confirmation a practical, preparation and practice for relational ministry. 
    • Youth’s biggest concerns? Relationships! Help youth help others. It is a way of understanding ministry and faith being practical for today.
    • Get rid of the overblown teen world drama. Learn the people skills of PML.
  • Learn every youth’s talents, values, gifts and personalities.
    • “We need you,” are words every youth should personally hear at least twice a year.
    • Youth participation happens when they are needed for something meaningful 
  • Staff and volunteer leadership do not quit relationships with youth after confirmation.
    • If all the adult leaders are done after confirmation it is likely the youth they led will also be done.
    • Find ways for adults to continue their investment, involvement, mentoring and mostly also their modeling of staying involved.
  • Churches intentionally plan multiple opportunities for individual high school youth to serve. 
    • Put together a, “We need you plan!”
    • “Here is a list of a several youth, how do we meaningfully say, ‘We need you,’ to each one this week”
  • It is still a sin to bore a kid!
    • That used to be the great cry of youth ministry world. It is still relevant today.
    • Maybe after every Bible story should be added the word, “Surprise!” That was the first hearers experience of these sometimes shocking stories. Youth need to experience surprise in everything from spontaneous squirt gun fights, to the discovery of radical biblical stories, to the importance of a confirmation that helps them know how to care for others.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

October 2, 2019 by newpeermin

WHEAT AHA Story

The Prelude

I was working with a group of college students at an event. We taught the WHEAT acronym. During a break, in the hall near the snack table, a young man pointed toward an older man down the hall, “See that guy over there? I just Wheated him! Standing by the table, getting my donut, I got through all five of those topics.”  Suddenly WHEAT becomes a verb! “Let’s go WHEAT some people.”

Now the “Aha” story.

I was working with a group in the evenings during a ski and snowboarding event in Colorado. We taught the WHEAT tool and told the group, “Tomorrow will be ‘chair lift chat day.'” It was a busy resort, so they ran a singles line to get on the lifts. They needed to fill every seat. The line went quicker, but you didn’t know with whom you would sit. “You have to ride the singles line at least three times tomorrow. Whoever you sit beside, you get to WHEAT that person. We’ll share stories tomorrow evening.” 

My Three Chair Lift Chats

First, I met a school teacher. I went to college to be an educator, so it was an easy conversation. She was from Canada and said, “Eh” more than I was used to. “How are things, eh?”  I’d reply, “Great, eh!” We had a fun conversation. 

Second person, I’ve always called “Mr. Party Dude.” Mid twenties, he wanted to share all about a strip bar he had been to the night before. A somewhat awkward topic made even more awkward after I decided to share who I am and what I do for a living!

Third trip up, I sat beside a business man who fairly early on shared that he was at the resort with his wife, but that it was kind of a last effort to see if their marriage could still work. Suddenly we were in a deep conversation. I mostly listened as he shared some of his disappointments in life. We stood and continued at the top. Eventually, I thanked him for sharing and gave a verbal blessing, turned and started down the mountain. 

Aha Moment! As I skied, I’m sure everyone could see the light bulb that turned on above my head. It hit me, that WHEAT’ is not just a silly acronym; it is the Good Samaritan Story! It is stepping into someone’s life, saying “hi,” and being willing to enter into a caring, welcoming conversation. This WHEAT acronym is about God! 

Teach it!

Challenge! Teach WHEAT, but not until you have your own stories. 

In Peer Ministry Leadership, we tell leaders, you have to intentionally use the skills before you teach them. Youth always know when you are just teaching from a manual. That is why we strongly suggest going through a facilitated training first. Experience it, use it, then you can teach what you live.

WHEAT

Teach WHEAT, then challenge everyone to intentionally use it at least three times. Meet with your group to share stories the next day. Your discovery! If your group is like most, many of your youth will have stories of fun new connections, some will be more about welcoming and including someone who needed a friend at the moment, others will have found themselves entering into a conversation of deeper sharing. 

Your job is to connect all these conversations as faith stories, experiences of welcoming, caring and affirming others as an everyday practice, loving because  Christ first loved us. (I John 4:19) 

WHEAT on!  

If you and your group are ready to go deeper, contact us about setting up a PML training. If you want to do it, we’ll find a way to make it happen! 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Peer Ministry, Skill, WHEAT

March 22, 2019 by newpeermin

Has the Church Missed Making the Main Thing The Main Thing?

Lyle Griner – National PML director

What if we went to a yoga class with no mats or space to do exercises? What if we found only rows of chairs, listened to talks, sang songs about downward dog and cobra poses? What if people only gave readings and sermons about yoga? What if we never practiced yoga?
(Thoughts from Brian McLaren at Methodist Curious Church faith formation conference, Des Moines, IA)

What if the one place that proclaims love as its core belief, its main goal, even the commandment above all other commandments only talked, sang, and read scriptures about love?
What if the church was about helping people to love? 

I believe Peer Ministry Leadership is the 101 class on love. It is the lab where real skills for living a real life of Christian love is experienced and given real applications to be lived every day, everywhere, and in every relationship.
It seems that everyone is talking about transforming the church. Maybe that is done with less talking and studying and more experiencing and doing the skills of love. I believe PML is about making the main thing the main thing!

Three resources are at our core, vital for helping people love.  Peer Ministry Leadership for high school and young adults, Every Day Samaritan for your early teens, ALL IN Relational Ministry for adults. You need to take a serious look at these. I also hope you invite us to come work with your congregation soon!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

August 27, 2018 by newpeermin

Inside / Outside Circle Experiences

© 2017 written by Lyle Griner
free for local church groups only
 

Seated in a circle of chairs, sitting on the floor, or even standing, while one circle of people faces outward towards a partner in a second circle of people facing inward. It’s a great face-to-face, heart-to-heart, and person-to-person experience with multiple uses.

After each discussion, shift one of the circles. “Outer circle move two spaces to the right.” Or “Inner circle move three spaces to your right.”

The Allowing Rule: Never only answer a question. Always expand, expand, expand.    
 
 Lists and ideas to get you started! 
1. The Best / The Worst
2. Deep, Deeper, Deepest
3. WHEAT Questions
4. READY GO… (Resource)
5. The CROSS-GEN Experience
6. Circles for Prayer
 
 
THE BEST / THE WORST
Invite participants to share either their best or worst experience or example 
from one of the following:
  1. Halloween
  2. Haircut
  3. Family gathering
  4. Class
  5. Teacher
  6. Music
  7. Religious experience
  8. Movie
  9. Feeling
  10. Food
  11. Travel experience
  12. Rule or Law
  13. Attempt at something new
  14. Trait about me
  15. Family
  16. Place to travel
  17. Childhood memory
  18. Time of year
  19. Sport
  20. Discussions
 
DEEP, DEEPER, DEEPEST
Deep, really not very deep, but fun!
Deeper, deals more with ideas and beliefs.
Deepest, this gets personal and will be more about feeling and stories.
Use Deep for a few rounds, then move on to Deeper OR ask a participant to choose their depth and pick a number.
Deep
  1. Food I gag on…
  2. If an imaginary friend became real, I would want…
  3. Something I carry or wear that holds meaning is…  because…
  4. Three favorite words that describe me are…
  5. My favorite technology is…  Frustrating technology is…
  6. My least favorite haircut was…
  7. If I could win an award, it would most likely be for…
  8. If I didn’t have to sleep, what would I do with my extra time?
  9. One thing that takes up way too much of my time is…
  10. The grossest thing I tried to eat…
  11. My most unique relative is…
  12. If I were famous, it would most likely be for…
  13. If I got to endorse a brand, it would be…
  14. If I had a superhuman power, it would be the power to…
  15. If you looked in my closet or school locker…
  16. My “go to” snack food is…
  17. I procrastinate when it comes to…
  18. Three things I love to smell…
  19. If I gpt to choose the pizza toppings, they will be…
  20. My morning waking up routine…
Deeper
  1. Education should focus on…
  2. In order for the church to survive…
  3. Peace can only happen when…
  4. People mostly think about God when…
  5. Three words that describes the whole human species…
  6. Human morals everyone should follow are…
  7. People with vastly different beliefs and cultures…
  8. A person who lives life to the fullest is…
  9. 42,000 religions. Christianity divided into 30,000 versions, probably because…
  10. In order to eliminate poverty…
  11. For a society, music, art, theater…
  12. In 1,000 years, people will…
  13. The best ways to help people in need are…
  14. The biggest waste of human energy is…
  15. Justifying the taking of a human life…
  16. Every human should have the rights of…
  17. Fertile soil for hatred is created when…
  18. Morality is decided by…
  19. The difference between knowledge and wisdom is…
  20. Faith in God comes from…
Deepest 
  1. My faith is…
  2. One of the deepest things I often think about is…
  3. I worry about…
  4. My life has been made better because of…
  5. I could be described as quirky because…
  6. Sometimes I don’t tell everyone… because I am afraid they might…
  7. I feel uncomfortable when…
  8. Something I carry or wear that holds meaning is…  because…
  9. One thing that makes me very angry…
  10. A couple of important things on my bucket list are…
  11. I am passionate about…
  12. One thing I do to fit in is…
  13. I have a hard time with people when…
  14. Some things that make me anxious are…
  15. I feel most genuine, most real when…
  16. I feel I have to pretend, put on a mask, perform for people when…
  17. I used to believe… but now I…
  18. The last time I cried was because…
  19. Things that give me meaning, purpose, and hope are…
  20. I measure my own life by…
WHEAT QUESTIONS 
from Peer Ministry Leadership
Learn and practice WHEAT one person at a time.
<CLICK>  free WHEAT cards
Where
  • Where are you from?
  • Where else have called home?
  • What do you like most about your neighborhood? Town? Area?
  • If I considered moving there, what would you tell me?
Hobbies / Interests 
  • What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
  • What are you most passionate about?
  • How did your interest begin?
  • What is most satisfying about…?
  • What do you hope to do in the future with…?
Experiences and Events
  • What is a favorite life experience or event?
  • What life event has shaped you? Or defined who you are?
  • What is something at your church, (school, family) that has challenged you?
  • What has been most significant (exciting or meaningful)?
Acquaintances
  • Do you know…?
  • Who is a person you think I would want to know? Why?
  • Who is one of your favorite people?
  • How did you meet…?
  • What do you enjoy most about…?
  • What is your favorite memory with…?
Travel
  • What is your favorite place to get away to?
  • Any travel adventures coming up?
  • Any travel mishaps? Something that didn’t go as expected?
  • What drew you to go there?
READY GO… 
500 talk starters
<CLICK> $10 with 100’s of uses!
I love the idea that a curriculum could be a single word. One word that triggers thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and wonderful conversation. READY GO…  is a curriculum of 500 words. Ask a random participant to pick a number between 1 and 500. Use that prompt to enter into conversation. Here is my secret! When someone picks a prompt you don’t like, use another one. As you get to know a group, you also sense what they need to talk about!
The CROSS-GEN Experience
E.g.:People 40 and above in the middle, people 30 and below on the outer circle.
 
Or kids in the middle, parents and adults in the outer circle. Here are some questions to get you started. Add your own!
  1. What is the best thing about being your age? Most challenging?
  2. Who and how has someone of a different generation influenced your life and faith?
  3. What is an early memory of being included in your faith community? When did you hear or sense these words, “We need you!”
  4. Age groups are often separated from each other. What could happen if age didn’t divide us?
  5. What does your culture value about various ages? What do they not seem to value?
  6. When might people feel dismissed, ignored, or not valued because of their age? Do you?
  7. In what ways might an age gap be beneficial to our church? A hindrance?
  8. What is unique about the people in your age group?
  9. What has influenced values and interests of your generation?
  10. What stereotypes do people have about various generations?
  11. How does your generation feel about church? Relevant? Trusted? Important?
  12. What does your church need to hear from your generation? What is your generation looking for?
  13. What are the advantages of being in your age group? Disadvantages?
  14. What types of things are people in your age group looking forward to? Hopes? Dreams?
  15. What is some of the favorite music of your age group?
  16. How does worship connect or disconnect people in your age group?
  17. How does your congregation assist people of every age to discover and use their gifts in Christ’s service?
  18. What are some of the opportunities already present in your congregation for all of the generations to gather together?
  19. Where are there opportunities to build relationships across the generations?
  20. How might your congregation be more intentional in linking the generations in worship, learning, service, and building community?
CIRCLES FOR PRAYER
  • Include one prayer experience as you conclude your circle.
  • Use the whole circle time to share prayers with various people.
  • NOTE… many of the ideas found in the CANDLE TIME prayer kit  <CLICK> could be used for this.
Two examples.
OUCH PRAYER
Take turns sharing OUCH stories. We all have them.
It may be a physical pain, hurting heart, spiritual longing, mental struggle, living with grief, bullied experience, an unpleasant confrontation, or another hurt.
Listen, as you are aware that God is also listening.
As your partner ends his or her story, place a band-aid on the back of the person’s hand.
Use a fine point marker to write a prayer word that is needed on the band-aid such as hope, love, comfort, forgiveness, healing, strength, or patience.
Together say… “Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers.“
HAND PRAYER
Consider rotating to a new partner for each of the following.
Thumb – It is closest to your heart.
Pray for those closest to you. Your family and friends.
1st finger – The finger used to point directions.
Pray for those who teach, guide, and shape your life.
2nd finger – The tallest of your fingers.
Pray for those in authority, who govern over us, making tough decisions.
3rd finger– It is your weakest finger.
Pray for someone hurting, suffering, alienated, or treated unjustly.
4th finger – The smallest of your fingers.
Pray humbly for yourself.
Your whole hand– Used to reach out and support.
Pray, acknowledging God’s loving, inviting reach and support.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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PML works with all denominations. The theology is Christian, and flows from the Good Samaritan Story, with an emphases on relational caring, welcoming and affirming skills. PML is a good fit for many denominations and adapts well for various settings.
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